*Change is Coming.....*

Tonight CNN is doing a special on "Black in America". This stikes me as very profound and moving because it's about time. Next they're doing a segment on "The Black Man in America", and recently the debate over the "N" word has been widely speculated and debated. And all i can say is that it's about time. It's about time that this nation have a conscious and acknowledge and recognize the Black community, and stop trying to hide behind, "Corrective policies", which keep the masks on so many 's faces, for they feel like things are so good; everything and every problem has been solved. The first step to solving a problem is to admit that there is one. And it's not the Blacks are a problem, or they are doing SO bad, it's SUCH a travesty, So sad, no, the problem here is that for years, the playing field has never been equal or fair. Blacks are always at a disadvantage, and lack opportunities, and get trapped within a system whose sole aim in to maintain the status quo--for lack of better words-- whites still in power and at the top, running the counrty, everyone else gets their equal rights,(cough cough) but lets not over do things. I think it's wonderful that these issues are being uncovered and exposed, so if change doesn't occur from this point on, it wont be because WE as a people didn't know about it. And I think that Barack Obama is such an important man in this moment in time, because i feel that his presence, coming on the scene, challenging how things "have always been done", is single handedly causing this country to re-examine what and who he represents. And hopefully, HOPEfully, CHANGE is coming........


*Change we can believe in......



....comes from within....





~Ash

This is the TRUE American Dream

*All Sold Out.......*

I am the American Dream.
I keep the King Dream alive.
I'm out here trying to make it,
gotta hustle to survive.
I've been blessed with the burden of being blessed,
And I dont need that stress.
Why'd everyone have to fight so hard,
to give me their best,
when I'm trying to settle for less?
This is MY time,
so i dont have the time,
to take the time,
to take time out, and appreciate the sunshine;
Cuz i gotta make it Rain.
And if you keep preaching that
"I should respect my past", and saying something bout
what the "Jesus Christ, MartinLutherKingRosaParksFrederickDuboiseHArrietTubman..." one
more time, calling me out MY name...
I'ma be more than two seconds away, from two-steppin my way to walkin' it outta here...
Cuz i claim my own fame.
You say remember what????
Middle Class America aint never been so hard.
Gotta get a real education to get a good job???
Man F*** that,
my gat got my back..
Well,...
I aint got it yet.
But wait 'till my momma's next pay check.
She'll give me some money,
so I can go so hard, stay fly and still stuntin'.
And i met this chick, told me i need to get my life together,
said i need to trade my apathy for respect, nothing I do will last forever..
And i dont even know what the F*** that mean,
So i told her money over B******, traded her to another team.
Why do i care about this American Dream that my parents worked so hard for, just to break bread for you?
Well I dont want a piece of the American pie, I want to take a bite out of that cake,
AND eat it too.
Cuz I have a dream.
That someday everybody would just stop hatin' on a G.
Cuz I tried that nice guy routine,
didn't really work out.
was smart and had a kind heart,
but i kept feelin' left out.
So i said, F*** that, gotta get me some street cred.
Gotta sell and smoke weed,
walk through life usin' my otha head.
Gotta get me a bobble head.
Maybe grow some dreads,
Oh, and tell em' i'm from Buck Head.
Or i could rep New York, I got some family from there,
ha, I never lived in the hood a day in my life, but i gotta have a story to tell.
So my life is looking good,
cuz I'm all about the come up.
Who cares about the Civil rights movement?
I gotta get my weight up.
You talk about "remember the struggle, and if things get hard
to look up.
Well i struggle every day with my Iced-out Jesus piece,
Can't even keep my head up.
It's weighin' me down,
But as long as i got swag,
I've never look back on the life I coud've had,
cuz I AM the American Dream.....!


*We are more, than what we have become...
......Remember.....




~Ash

*some things that made me L a u g h!!!*

*and this is my favorite one.......

*laughter, medicine for the soul.

so take it daily, like a vitamin.....

~Ash

*thought i needed a hug, what i got was Word to have faith....*

Brandi is the one who motivated me to go ahead and put up this. I know why she may save something, but Lord only knows why I save things to put up here, Lord its only me, you and her, than ever read these any way. SO here goes nothing...... but my truth.....





Lord, I need a hug.

Talking to you is great, but sometimes I just need to feel you.

And i guess my relationshp with you should be strong enough that i feel your presence in my mind and heart, and through the tears too,

But i can't help but sometimes feel like i want more, that that just isn't enough.



Lord! I just need a hug....



Life aint no picnic, and i know i'm not telling you anything you dont already know.

It's just that sometimes i get so discouraged, and i can't figure out which way to go.

And i feel like i'm walking through life like Lazarous, but i dont even have enough faith to receive the blessing i need, so i can find find my own way

Instead of just trusting your voice, I either am too afraid to venture out into my own doubt filled darkness, or just stay in a place called frustration, and fall on me knees and pray.

Which is about the most humble thing i do, for you.

I feel like a child who has heard the right things to do so many times, and never follows through.

And am afraid to hear "I told you so", so sometimes i avoid you...

Which is ironic i guess, because i can't put my pride aside to ask you for your guidance that is nothing but love,

And at the same time, deep down inside, i want so bad to just have a hug.



I know you dont put me through anything really, becasue my own disobedience and choices cause me to find myself in certain situations.

And i know sometimes things that we go through aren't by choice, but lately mine seem pretty voluntary, and of my own creation.

I used to pray every night, and seems like my prayers get shorter and shorter,

(And I wonder why i feel broken and out of order)

But i used to pray at night for you to help me have a servant's heart....

And i try so hard Lord to keep that attitude, but you see the hard part,

Is that i can't always get pass myself to do what is so easy, but i always make it hard.

Lord you know i'm not perfect, and not at all what you've got in store for me

But i'm trying,

and i swear i'll do anything you want, if you just dont give up on me...

It's just so hard down here Lord,

Can't i just have a hug...



When i get down i remember how they say to never ask for a lighter load, but broader shoulders.

but Lord it seems like i'm too small to do it all alone, and carrying such a heavy load makes me off balance, and yet i wonder

Is that all a test of my faith and will, cause such a literal translation on my part is all my imagination, when really you probably just meant "ask for broader shoulders" as a testament to just have faith.

Trust you, without complaints or restraints.

And i swear i'ma do better at that, cause i'll never blame you, for my pain.

But Lord you gotta help me stop blaiming others.

I know sometimes it may be because of someone else that i view the blessings you bestowe upon me as burdens.

But that falls back on me, because i should have that heart that will do for others, even if that means i compromise my comfort, to help my friends

Or, i should remember that too much of anything is not a good thing, and sometimes, things aren't my burden to carry,
i mean, blessings

'cause in every blessin' these's a lesson, and it might not have been mine to learn.

So Lord, I'ma do better.

Seems like i can't see the sunshine for always finding the clouds,

So afraid that there may be a storm coming in my life.

And in the process of being cautious, I'm becoming anything but positive, and less spirited,

My worries are occupying where faith should be,

but you can't blame me,

Lord, I'm only human.

I try to shake free the gravity of resentment and negative energy,

because i can't breath and take in what it is i'm supposed to be

if my mind and heart aren't free,

Free enough to allow me to be fresh clay in your hands

But you can't blame me for not wanting to dissappoint you again.

You love me unconditionally,

Something i don't deserve

And i'm not passing judgement on your perceptions of what you feel deserve your love,

I'm just saying that i have a lot to live up to, and i already know that i'll always fall short from above

My application to Heaven is virtually blank, because the benefits far outweigh my qualifications,

and you dont know how much it hurts to be rejected,

Well, i know you do because they rejected Jesus too

i just know that i'm far from perfect, i'm not ready to go right now Lord,

'Cause i got a lot more work to do,

to get ready for you,

And you're all i got, that,

hasn't turned their back,

or lead me off track,

or told me to come back, because they just can't deal with me, or my problems today,

The only one who will not just tell me to find another way, but will come down and help me Make one.

So i can't let you down.

And maybe i need to look at the application again, and check my job duties, see what you want your angels to do

And i see things like, stay humble, be selfless, love EVERYONE, serve and obey you.

And you know what, I can do that, I swear i'll try

And all those times i fall short, and my tears cause me to be blind

And i just sit there, wanting some sort of comfort, something i can feel, to just make the pain go away

I'll stop depending on a person, who can never really give me what you can any day

And i know all i want is a hug sometimes Lord,

But thats my test of faith.

To be patient and loyal to you, without a physical representation ,

of you presence.

The desire to establish a deeper connectiong with you that feels physical, is my new motivation

and the essence, of the matter is

That every time i find the strength to carry on,

Everytime the sun breaks through the clouds in MY sky, and assures me that it's going to be a beautiful day, and all be okay after all,

Every time, through the heaviness of my heart, i find the strength to stop crying, and take a deep breath, and feel that hard pressure on my chest,



I know that's you, squeezing my soul, a hug only you can give....





*When I say… “I am a Christian” - I’m not claiming to be perfect,My flaws are far too visible, but, God believes I am worth it.
When I say… “I am a Christian” - I still feel the sting of pain.I have my share of heartaches, so I call upon His name.
When I say… “I am a Christian” - I’m not holier than thou,I’m just a simple sinner who received God’s good grace, somehow....*



**It's a long road to Heaven....But i gotta get there........


~Ash

*Lazy Angels.....*

I dont know everything there is to know about life. I 've been through a lot of things, and i've tried my best to learn from them and not run from them, and i haven't always come out perfect from them either---far from it, actually. However, there's one thing that I can say, with about as much confidence as I have right now, and that is, that you will never get farther in this life than a little ahead, or behind where you are, and have always been at, if you are a LAZY ANGEL... I believe that there is an angel in all of us, well, at least we all have the potential and intentions of our maker to fly one day, but its up to us, through humble gratitude, and faithful journies to awaken that angel inside. Some of us are born with the knowledge that we are good, and angelic, others take longer to just open the door, let out some steam, and allow our true reflections and that angel starring back at us to be seen in life's mirror; but none the less, it's there. And whenever you realize this, i feel that it's a disservice to not only yourself, but to others, and a slap in the face to God, to just carry your own wings. ...





Now I may not be the best angel in the world. I have attitude problems, and anger problems, but I wear them on my sleve, hoping to one day shake them off, and always taking the first step which is admitting your problems. But there's one thing that i do know about myself, that I would deem a good thing on my own personal T-chart check list of attributes, and that's that although my wings may have been drug through the mud, and aren't that far from the ground at times, at least they're still in motion.







I may not have all the right answers, or always know how to put a smile on someone's face, or how to reach them, or better someone. So many times I've had to change my approach to the same problems over and over and over again. But I never turn my back on things that I know can fly, or are blessings, even if they are in disguise at the moment. I never quit, and I always keep coming, trying to find another way, and if i can't find one, then i make my own.







Some of you out there may think they know more than me, or i can't talk because i''m not perfect, but you know what you're right, but at least i give EVERYTHING my best shot. I love myself, because Jesus thinks I'm to die for, but thats it. I love others most, and give my best to their cause. Can you honestly say you live like that? I may not have all the right methods, But see i can work on that. At least I ALWAYS have the right, and most sincere intentions.....and that speaks volumes.





Dont be a lazy angel today. Cause although you may keep things "cool", you'll never make anything better, and you're always going to be hurting someone, because there's always gonna be someone who knows you're not living up to your full potential. And stop trying to please people and be around people all the time who dont promote the same things you know you were programmed to work for. The two can't mix, and while you're pleasing everybody else, you're sacrificing valuable time on your mission, and will run the risk of being so late to your destination in life, that you miss it altogether, or end up there alone.







My wings get use all the time,



May be flying low sometimes, but i bet i'll keep you from falling,



What did you do today?







*If time is money, then I'm a Big Spender.......think about it....







~Ash

*......the harder it is to surrender...*

The longer and more you fight for something, the harder it is to surrender. I know every day hasn't been a fairy tale, but Ronnie I love you, and everyday, I see clearer that you're my happy beginnning come true, because everytime I see your face, no matter how mad we are at each other, if we haven't seen each other for 2 weeks or 15 minutes, i still get butterflies, like the first time i ever saw you. that rush and excitement that makes me nervous and in awe, at the same time. i fall in love with you all over again, every day, and am in amazement that something like you could happen to me. Every time we take a fall, we get up stronger, all we gotta realize is that its not really Us who causes us to fall. Its not who you really are or who i really am who causes us to have problems, its the devil trying to take our eyes off of our dreams, our God, and the fact that we see both in each other. We are the ultimate fighters, because "Here we stand".... I love you. Know that. Sometimes i wish everyone would support us, take us seriously, and believe in us like we believe in them, and each other, but God made us and put us together. On the backs of our hearts it says, Made in Heaven, part one of two..(1/2 ; 2/2). We are but one dream, one of God's dreams, dwelling in two souls, for one soul couldn't hold it all.... and for me, that will always be enough......


never before you or behind you, i'll endure everything with you 'cause i'm beside you, and that way, i have equal opportunity to do both, you u need me to.
See you at the finish line....... 'cause i'm in it for the long run....

~ash