When I tell any truth it is not for the sake of convincing those who do not know it, but for the sake of defending those who do....
-Wm. Blake







"A Bird doesn't sing because it has an answer, it sings
Because it has a Song...." ~ Maya Angelou

Sunday, August 16, 2009

Nobody told me, the road would be easy, and I don't believe he's brought me this far, to leave me...*

I'm at a point in my life where from the outside looking in, it would seem like I have nothing, I know nothing, I have hit rock bottom, and my life is spinning out of control. Not only am I carrying the blessing and responsibility of life, but I'm in the process of convincing the one I created it with to stay.....to be by myside. To help me face this cruel judgemental world and build the future no one believes can exist for us. I have done everything I can do to to show my love, my love. I have loved him more than anyone else in his life who has no obligation to, but chose to. I have believed in him when he didnt believe in himself, and supported his dreams more than anyone else in his life ever has. I have always stood by him, and stood up for him, in every situation even if he wasnt there to stand up for himself, or didnt feel he should. I have prayed for him more than I do for myself, and allowed my second thought of every day to be of him, no matter what happened the night before, right after I think of how lucky I am to see another sunrise. I have poured my heart to him, and I can not accept that he is not the one for me. I believe in him too much, I believe in us too much. I have seen God in more things since he came into my life than I every have before, and I will never trade that, or him, for anything else--it's not worth it.



I just want to say that I love him, and I need him. I am willing to do whatever I have to, to show this man that we are worth it, and our mission and purpose in life being carried by me right now, and inteneded to be watered to help grow by US, is worth it. I am not afraid. I am willing to go against the odds, against the doubts, against the disapproval, because something in my heart says I've finally found something thats true, and something worth fighting for.



They say the "Devil never wins unless you don't fight...." He will NEVER win as long as this relationship and Family is up to me. But I can not convince him of where he should be. They say "Love, is a lot of things. It's varied-- one thing it can NEVER be, is unsure..." So I must leave things up to him. I am taking his advice and trying to be more positive. He has hurt me more than anyone, and I'm sure I've done the same to him, but I can only focus on the love of I have for him. How much he's changed my life. How he gave me life. I just hope he can appreciate me the same way, and love me for carrying and nuturing his life in me now as well. I chose this blessing, and I chose him... and I just pray he chooses me. But I have to let him go, I must give him to God. I must get out of God's way, and I hope our love and our lives together truly were written in the stars. I believe that.... I can no longer just be stranded in my reality, for if I do i'll be angry and sad until I die. I know that there is no sin in being weary though, the sin is in giving up.......





I love you, and I pass the ball to you....







G.A.M.E. Time


(God Answers Me Everytime)



Saturday, August 15, 2009

*God Bless My Silent Tears....

God, bless my silent tears....

Bless all the tears that fell from my eyes unheard, all the times my voice fell on deaf ears. Bless the moments you and I shared alone, in the early hours of the morning, when out comes my darkest fears. For the moments when I realized I was in love alone.... and no matter where I went, I never felt at home, God bless my silent tears...

Please don't let all my efforts always go unnoticed, making me feel like I'm finished. And please don't let my despair at being unappreciated by those I love cause me to do your work for overdue recognition, clouding your true vision as pain misconstrues my intentions. Please help me grow in my faith in you, while not losing my faith in man. Let me not forget my beliefs in their good, as for me they never try to understand. And in my regrets, reminders of which found in every sad love song, let me not lose my ability to do my greatest gift, which is to love past myself. Help me learn to ask for the right help.... and when I do, please, Dear God, don't you too leave me unnoticed, when my vision is unclear, when your voice is hard to hear, please bless my silent tears...

Bless the silent tears I shed for those I love, when I pray to you at night. Those tears I hide from the world outside, the world that I give my sunshine. Please don't let the matters of my heart be lost in time, as I have been, trying to see someone else's dreams through. And please don't count me as ungrateful as I mourn the ones that you called to come live in Heaven with you. I don't want to love selfishly, I just love so much the blessings you've placed in my life. And I see how others don't appreciate them as they should, and I know I can provide them with their proper light....I just want their lives to grow right....

Please God, Bless my silent tears. Not because I want you to be the one to account for the reason they fill my eyes....nor do I want you to come down and make the ones who made me cry treat me right....I mean, who am I? I dont want everything to be as I wish, for I don't even know what tomorrow brings. And I dont want attention for the times I go invisible, and my heart goes unseen.... I just want to know that the love that takes it's liquid form as it falls from the very thing that allows me to see what no one else sees, doesn't go to waste or left for a dream. That that liquid love falls to a place, where it can water something else besides my heart as they flow down my face, and onto my chest, making the thing that causes me to love grow even more, for that which has made me cry...

God bless my silent tears, not because they are silent, but because if no one is there to hear them, do they even make a sound? I must know that this form of my love is acknowledged as real, then my soul will have a chance to heal. Please bless my silent tears so I no longer feel guilty for their existence...I don't want my heart to keep feeling bad, when no one other than you knows how to fix it.... bless my tears because thats my heart voicing it's opinion.... it doesn't like the state of it's condition... And sometimes it doesn't need a solution, just needs someone who will listen...

God bless my silent tears...for all those I love who cry in their own time... Who feel alone when they are down, and forget that YOU are listening.. Please bless my silent tears,... and the person they are being shed for... if they can get to me this much, I think they need your blessing more... For all the people who sit up at night and search for answers to ease their pain...For every tear I shed in silence, on the inside, Lord please tatoo their name....



~Amen....











*not perfect....

I am not perfect....
.........but I have given you the best of this imperfect person that I had.
I am not always right, but I've never told you anything that I thought would steer you wrong, and when everyone else has walked out, I was there, standing last...
I am not always a joy to be be around, and probably get on your nerves nine times out of ten...
but no matter where I go in my life, being with you good or bad will always be the sweetest place I've ever been...
I know I carry memories that you feel I put on you, and want you to make them all right somehow,
But I'm changing enough to recognize the pain, see you for you, and know my childhood no matter how dark, is over now...
I'm sorry for how I am sometimes, I'm not perfect...

I haven't quite figured out how to fall in love with someone without loosing myself,
And although you fault me for it, being in love with me is a feeling I've never felt...
I keep trying to be perfect.

I may smother you and crowd your space, and rush you to do what will free and ease me,
and we may argue more than anyone else you know, but I have never stopped trying and would never leave...
I have never deceived you, never told you a lie that would disrepect you, and never thought about being a cheat...
and although I may stress you out, a day where you dont have someone who adores you is a day you'll never have to see...
I'm just tired of you given up on me,
I never said I was perfect...

and I will never promise I will be.
I just promise to always love you, and give you the best of me.
Right now I dont have much, and I hope my simple heart is enough.
I'm just trying to start a new life for my new life, and start building it with us...
I dont know what the future holds, or what tomorrow brings,
I just know that we are supposed to cross the finish line together, because you are my dream...
I have a lot to work on within my self, and I'm not yet strong enough to do it all on my own,
And I dont always prioritize my life right, but I know God didn't put us here to experience this life alone...
and so far some of life's greatest joys have come when I was with you, a joy my heart had never before known..

I am not perfect...
And I hope you wont mind,
and because I'm not, I dont want much in return, just your love and your time.
I just want to share this time and space here on earth that God has blessed me with, with you..
And learn to "enjoy the climb, and not just always want to make the mountain move"....
I can't change who I am, I just pray I'm everything you want me to be,
If I truly thought I wasnt, that'd be the only reason I'd ever leave...
Maybe I'm stupid,.. i know i'm not perfect...

but they say a perfect person is a finished person....and we both know there's more to life than this...
and if I didnt have room to grow, who would you grow old with?
And I hope when I'm old and grey, and the Lord ask me how did I live,
I'll be able to say every day with the man you made just for me, forever grateful, and treating each moment like a gift....




~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
*I'm not perfect, but I'm trying....and I never gave up on you, or us... so don't let the weight of the problem ahead convince you that you/we can't find a resolution, or that we need to be better...Let the desire to re-create ourselves motivate us to find a different, not better way to live.... where then the limit is the sky and the standard is ourselves.... let us not let the size of the mountain make us feel like we need to always get stronger to deal with whats at hand, let our minds and hearts re-thinking in a Godly way remind us that we don't even need feet for we can fly if we try......... not everyone has wings, and I may only have one that works right now, and so do you, but I thank God that we still have an opportunity to embrace each other, and together, we can overcome, and fly.....*



Monday, June 29, 2009

"..Like the Sun disappears with the rise of the moon,... Gone too Soon....."




R.I.P.





Michael Jackson




(1958-2009)



THE Greatest Entertainer to ever live, and that ever will.....




I will always miss you, and music just doesn't feel the same....





















Saturday, January 10, 2009

*This is the last Love poem I write FOR you.....*

This will be the last love poem i write for you....until i feel like i am loved in return

i cant keep writing the words and keeping my receit because i know that everything i say with my heart will have to be returned....

You always break it..

and i cheat myself into thinking that it came that way, and blame the one that made it for its poor condition...

Lord, I'm sorry.

And my maker says you must forgive others, in order to be forgiven, so i forgive you

however life is about choices too, so in short, i release you...

But before i go i just want you to know that i really loved you, i still do, and always will...

i loved you more than you'll ever know. And im not going to spend a whole lot of time speaking of how much because i know that you already know.

But i cant keep loving someone who doesnt love me the same way in return anymore..

My life is based on the premise of promoting equality, so to be in an offbalanced relationship emotionally like this just isnt fair, to me or what i've been fighting for...

im taking back the little girl in me, that still deserves to be treated like a princess...

the girl that never knew hurt before, and who never questioned the notion of whether or not i was priceless....

I'm going to go back and find my dreams, that you will never helped come true...

because i wanted things for my life too, but you always just thought about you....

i cant let you convince me that i deserve the way you treat me,

because no matter what happened, i loved you unconditionally...

when all you did was give up on me...

like i said, i love you like a new day, and by saying new, that means all over again

but you loved me like yesterday....something that in whatever moment you're in, doesn't exist anymore...

so what am i fighting for?

i cant keep being with someone who in creating the plans of their life, not having my name being the first thing they mention...

not to say that i'm all they want out of life, but that anything that you would want wouldn't be worth having without me in it.

i figure my life out with you like we both found God's treasure map to happiness, like we'd each been carrying one half of it our whole lives, and now the picture only makes sense when we're together...

But you look at it like you had the key to happiness in this life, and i was just a person along your journey to give you the missing piece, and now you've got what YOU needed, and you'll be on your way...

you dont need me anymore....

and in the process of you viewing the past year and a half that way, you've robbed my of everything i've gained my whole life...

took my best from me, and felt like you owed me nothing...

you have the audacity to tell me you'd be better off without me...

when before me you couldn't even make sense of what life means...

you feel like its not your job to make me happy...

leave me to create everything from within myself....

and i thought that you must like to see me cry, but thats not true,

you're just only concerned with seeing your smile, looking out for you...

And people like you are the ones Ive grown to dislike the most,

those who live on borrowed time....

always thinking what you do doesn't matter, because all you got is time...

tomorrow is not promised, and you take for granted today, assuming that tomorrow is going to come, and i feel sorry for you...

sorry that you blame me for you actions when you yourself say that you cant change people, they have to change themselves.

and since you give me no credit for the good in your life, dont give me credit for all the bad that's become of you,

because i dont even know you...

I gave you the best of me...

placed you on the mountain top for you to lay me at your feet...

thought about you all day, for you to come home past three

trusted you enough to let you have me naturally

for you to not even kiss me, and when i cry fall fast asleep

i loved you with the God in me,

and you turned my testimony against me...

pretendin like i hurt you as an excuse for you to keep hurting me

i made you a king,

prayed for your dreams...

and like the giving tree i became a stump just so you have everything,

that made you happy.

only to find out that my happiness was never your prority

or of your concern...

Because that required you putting someone else before you...

something you never do...

you give the least amount of effort required that you know i'll hold on to long enough for you make a few more plans for a life without me

and ill keep believing that you'll come back around, as i carry your weak efforts as a sign that my dreams will come true...

i want to experience joy in my life, something unobtainable without bringing joy to others..

and if thats something you hope to find in your life, good luck finding it with the mentality you have now....

you live a life only focused on you
when you got someone that truly loves you...
you think you're so divine that you must have two people created just for you...
and someone else out there will miss out on their loved one, for your own mishaps,
and if u believe that, i can promise that thought will not come true...
i am a blessing in more ways that I even know....
and u treat me as though something thats one of a kind is replaceable...
and after all ive giving you, i was never enough....
when all i ever wanted from you was the respect, honesty, and adornment that comes with true love.....
see everyday, you could've always been enough...
ands it not that you aren't, or that you weren't,
its just that you chose not to be...
u didnt want to be my everything, which when you are faced with the truth about you, you'll find had never been so easy...
and i just want you to know that i never stopped loving my first,
because he was my first, and had me before you...
so since Jesus set a pretty high standard,
i cant keep settling for you...
all you had to do was try,
but the results of your efforts should not equal me crying...
i pray that you'll go back to your first love,
so we can be a three again..
but until then,
ill just be checking the mail for the love i sent to you a long time ago, to read..."My love to be returned to sendHER....

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

*It's gonna Be a Brighter Day.....so don't ever stop the sunshine....*

"I have a dream. That one day my four little children will live in a nation where they are not judged by the color of their skin, but by the content of their character..." - Martin Luther King Jr.

Thank you God for answering the prayers of so many as you helped Barack Obama become the First Black President of the United States last night. You have fulfilled one promise, that has been lingering in the balance for over 40 years. So thank you for this blessing that is just that in the lives of millions around the world....


As for all of us who cried tears of joy last night as we watched history taking place: Don't let his Victory reign in Vain... I'm telling you now that last night was one of the happiest, most proud, and humbling moments of my life. Barack Obama is the direct insult to anyone who ever told you that you couldn't do something. As he said in his speech...


"This election had many firsts and many stories that will be told for generations. But one that's on my mind tonight is about a woman who cast her ballot in Atlanta. She's a lot like the millions of others who stood in line to make their voice heard in this election except for one thing - Ann Nixon Cooper is 106 years old. She was born just a generation past slavery; a time when there were no cars on the road or planes in the sky; when someone like her couldn't vote for two reasons - because she was a woman and because of the color of her skin.And tonight, I think about all that she's seen throughout her century in America - the heartache and the hope; the struggle and the progress; the times we were told that we can't, and the people who pressed on with that American creed: Yes we can. At a time when women's voices were silenced and their hopes dismissed, she lived to see them stand up and speak out and reach for the ballot. Yes we can. When there was despair in the dust bowl and depression across the land, she saw a nation conquer fear itself with a New Deal, new jobs and a new sense of common purpose. Yes we can. When the bombs fell on our harbor and tyranny threatened the world, she was there to witness a generation rise to greatness and a democracy was saved. Yes we can. She was there for the buses in Montgomery, the hoses in Birmingham, a bridge in Selma, and a preacher from Atlanta who told a people that "We Shall Overcome." Yes we can. A man touched down on the moon, a wall came down in Berlin, a world was connected by our own science and imagination. And this year, in this election, she touched her finger to a screen, and cast her vote, because after 106 years in America, through the best of times and the darkest of hours, she knows how America can change. Yes we can. America, we have come so far. We have seen so much. But there is so much more to do. So tonight, let us ask ourselves - if our children should live to see the next century; if my daughters should be so lucky to live as long as Ann Nixon Cooper, what change will they see? What progress will we have made?"



We must keep these historic, timeless, and purpose-filled words with us each day, as we engage in the dealings of our lives from this moment on. No longer should we allow the excuses of old, especially for the black race to stop us from doing anything we set our minds to do. We are no longer just given the archetype of "yeh, we're some good basketball players, or dominate the rap and music industries, or have great prominent movie stars, or what have you." Now, we have a divine exemplification, and representation of a dream come true, and the highest office in this Nation. A Nation with years of heartache, slavery, violence, discrimination, segregation, prejudice, and hate, last night slapped it's own history in the face. Last night, one man, a black man united people of all ethnic backgrounds, walks and creeds. We all came together because we believe in better days to come, and we have our faith in God that this man, Yes he's a black man, but he's also a bi-racial man, a Godly man, and good man, that he can lead us there.


A text message was being sent around saying "Rosa sat so Martin could march. Martin marched so Obama could run. And Obama runs so our children can fly.." Don't let the failed flights of our children fall on our shoulders. We must all remember how last night made us feel. We must work hard to continue that spirit of unity and understanding, of purpose and promise to dedication, equality, progress, and prosperity. We must not let His Victory, Our Victory, be in vain by continuing to create low expectations for ourselves and aspire no more than what we have already become when the bar has now been set so high. Raise the standard of your life, and others will have no choice to rise with you to meet that standard; and the world will be farther ahead in the process. In the words of Gandhi, "Be the Change you wish to see in the world".. We all became that change these past months as we all did our part to make this day possible. All of our collective efforts made this possible. But we must continue that drive. Martin Luther King Jr. said, "I can never be what I ought to be, until you are what you ought to be--we are all inter- connected in life.."


So lets not just say "well, he won, thats it." No, we must work hard every day to keep Hope alive, and if anyone ever tells you you can't do something, remember how you felt last night, what you saw, and how your efforts helped make it all possible, and tell them, "Yes I can!"



























*And just for fun...:










*Hahaha...it's just a joke..made me laugh...(don't get all scared)*

Sunday, November 2, 2008

*Don't Be Lazy when we're on the Edge of a Breakthrough"

In two days it will be the official election day, and one of THE biggest moments in history. I got a good Word today from church, and been having this on my heart for some time, so today gave me the motivation to put it out there...: Do NOT be lazy;when we're on the edge of a breakthrough...

It is imperative that we vote. If someone needs a ride let me know. If nothing makes me angry laziness and ignorance do. It does not matter if you have to stand in line all day; you've had since Oct.16th to vote early. I know plenty of people who don't conplain when the new J's come out, stand in line for them. Or the day after Thanksgiving, thinking they're going to save big on Christmas gifts-- well think about it like this, you are saving big on your life for the next four years. And if you don't go vote, please spare us all the complaints about not having any money, of not having a job, or something thats going on in the world, us having to read your status updates every few hours and all those notes complaining about things when we have the opportunity in front of us to vote and do something about it. Maya Angelou said.."If you don't like something, change it. If you can't change it, then change your attitude about it. Never complain." Well, don't ever complain when you can look at something in a positve light at any costs, however, we don't have to be satisfied all the time either. We have to power to change a situation in this country that is discouraging and dissatisfying, so do something about it while we can.




>> and for the believers out there who think they don't have to vote because God will just work it out.... uuhhh No. Why are we even on earth then, if he's always just going to work everything out...? Why do we have free will when he'll just work it out? why do we study for test if he's just gone work it out? why do we go to work, he'll make a way and the bills will get paid, he'll work it out? Why did Martin Luther King Jr get assasinated if he was just going to work it out? Why did we have over 400 years of slavery if God just works it out? Now you're right, God does work things out, but he works in us, he manifest himself through our faith, however faith without works is dead... So stop being a lazy Christian. God makes things better and answers our prayers in the form of conflicting situations and circumstances. He provides us with the endless opportunities to know him, act on his will and word, and make the right choices. It's not his fault if we fail to do so....








So get out there and VOTE!!!!








Same Dream Different Day.......













Lets Show them that Dreams DO come true........





*And I took this picture from Brandi because it's one of the best one's I've seen. Pray that this becomes reality....Speak things into existence, but you have to believe it's possible also....

>>~*I'm a believer!

GO OBAMA

Thursday, October 16, 2008

*I'm Tired......*

I'm tired of loving you
but it seems like thats all i know how to do...
i'm tired of having nothing else to do but think about you
what are you doing, whats on your mind,
what can i do better, when you can't even find the time
to tell me how you feel.
i'm tired of trying to convince you that i deserve better
than your minimun efforts towards making me happy
im tired of begging you to care and writing these love letters,
when you never pay attention and throw these words back at me
i'm tired of sitting at home waiting for you to come home
to my home that i made our home, yet i stll live alone
because you just not there
literally and mentally, because you just dont care
im tired of trying to beg you to want to see me smile
im tired of having to give you the answers to a free response opinionated
survey of your feelings
because any answer would really do,
but you can't even bother to respond
to my thoughts and with my hearts song you refuse to sing along
i'm tired of you making me feel bad, for feeling bad,
when its something you did that made me cry
and im tired of you making me feel weak because i do so
like im only doing it for attention,
something else you feel you dont owe...
me for all the time i've wasted helping you chase your dreams
fought so hard for you, that i have nothing left for me,
myself ,
and whenever i need a lift to make me feel like im somebody,
you turn into everybody else.
im tired of you thinking im not as good as you,
like i have to earn my right to be treated like a queen
you put me down for wanting to be held up,
like i shouldn't expect to be tangible aspects of your dreams
im tired of you telling me im selfish for noticing that you think about yourself before me
im tired of you telling me i put you down when i get mad that you don't stand up for me
im tired of you thinking that i try to manipulate you by doing everything in my power to prevent you from hurting me again,
i didn't know how much you liked to see me cry
I'm tired of keeping my phone on silent just to pick up to see you still havent called
im tired of not being able to do what i need to for my self, when you never let that stop you at all
i'm tired of having bad dreams and turning to you and you can't even wake up to provide comfort for me
when so many nights i sit up, and watch you dream just to make sure you breathe.
im tired of having the lawn seats to my own show, when you have the all access pass
and im tired of feeling like i dont deserve better from you, when i'd give you of me my very last
I'm tired of being the only one who cares about building a future for "us"
I'm tired of investing everything i have into someone else who always keeps their own reservations
i pay the interest just to be appreciated, when after all this time my value has gone down, cuz there's nothing left after you take the best of me without hesitation
I'm tired of getting only a few hours of sleep waiting for you to come home, and then lowering myself to anticipate your typical attempts at affection
I give you all of me every night, for half price,
because i take your shit all day
settling for less within myself at night,
just to hold on to some sign that you still love me.....
......And wonder why when you're fast asleep
i lay awake and feel cheap
my soul telling me that it feels cheated
and my heart saying i can't keep taking this beatin'
because thats what it feels like...
and to everyone else i make excuses for the bruises that they see in my eyes,
they see in my smile, they notice in my style, and hear in my voice,
all because i made the choice
to love you another day....
I'm tired of being the only one who believes in us, and hoping we last
and being placed in that position whenever it's convenient for you to not confront what you've become...
and i know i got a lot of work to do, but i never stopped loving you
and i never stopped praying for you
i never stopped making you number one in my heart
even though its not even in my possession anymore
i gave you that too
went to the end of the earth looking for you
and to realize that you can't even appreciate the journey
give me no credit for the things i've seen
made all the obstacles i overcame on the way seem,
like things that were only coming to me anyway, because i get what i deserve.
that i dont know God like you do, because i dont know everything about the Word
And you right
im tired of defending myself or trying to prove to you that He's the very one that's been directing your life
that that God that I don't know is the one who lays beside you every night
is reflected in the eyes of the girl who's crying for you to treat me right
i'm tired of trying to convince you that God is in me, and he's what brought me back to you
and the more you hurt me, you're only hurting you
because you battle me all day, but at the end it's you that you fight
and since you don't want me, i'll leave you with this advice...
i sacrificed myself for you, and in vain you take advantage of your life....


you had it so good....
i should've known id never b able to make you happy....
guess i was the one that was wrong...
jokes on me

..... back to the old Ashley....

Monday, October 6, 2008

Dear God, I'm Sorry, and I'm listening....

Dear God,

I'm sorry. Sorry for putting you second, even though that was never my intention. I"m sorry for letting you down, but i swear to you now, I'm listenin' . I'm sorry for sacrificing the woman you sacrificd your own son for. I'm sorry for giving myself up to defeat, when you felt like I was worth more than fighting for. I'm sorry for looking in the mirror and hating that myself sometimes I see, I only said those things about you because I forgot you lived in me. And all those times I was so dissatisfied with all what had become of me, I forgot that you had made me, and knew what was best for me. Oh Dear God, I'm so sorry...


I'm sorry for beating you up, every time I put myself down. And I'm sorry for making you lose your crown, 'cause I was too busy keeping my head down. I'm sorry for having more faith in what you've done, instead of what you can do. I turned to other people, putting them before you. I'm sorry for allowing my whole world fall before my eyes. The devil could get to the things I loved more, and now they believe his lies. Oh God, I'm so sorry.


I"m so sorry God for having all the opportunity in the world to do right by you and dont. I swear I try but it just gets so hard when I carry as my gifts false hope. I'm sorry for not truly believing in you anymore. I"m sorry for being so selfish that when things go wrong or get hard I blame you for it. I'm sorry for blaming you when my relationship goes wrong. If I put my faith in you, instead of a man, we'd both be better off. I'm sorry for thinking that I can build a home and a life for myself, with no foundation; to only set the people I love more than anything up for failure and humiliation. I'm sorry for dissappointing you again, by letting the devil get the best of me. I swear all I really in my deepest of hearts want is for you to open me back up, and set me free.


I'm not going to make you anymore promises that I know I cannot keep. I'm just saying that I'm listening, because without you, I don't know me. I'm not saying that I wont mess up again, or lose sight of where I've placed you in the orders of my life. I just know that without you being in the driver's seat, I'm out of order, and in a winless fight. So I'm listening God, to whatever it is you want me to hear. You've knocked me down, before the devil could take me out, So I'd have to get up out of faith, instead of fear. I just want you to know that I love you, and I trust that things will be all right. And when I go to sleep, I'll never close my eyes with out thanking you if for nothing else, my life. And I pray that you'll make me over, and that I can live up to the function of my craft. So that if one day you should ever need an angel, to me you wont hesitate to ask....














I love you God, and thank you, for loving me.......