*I'm Tired......*

I'm tired of loving you
but it seems like thats all i know how to do...
i'm tired of having nothing else to do but think about you
what are you doing, whats on your mind,
what can i do better, when you can't even find the time
to tell me how you feel.
i'm tired of trying to convince you that i deserve better
than your minimun efforts towards making me happy
im tired of begging you to care and writing these love letters,
when you never pay attention and throw these words back at me
i'm tired of sitting at home waiting for you to come home
to my home that i made our home, yet i stll live alone
because you just not there
literally and mentally, because you just dont care
im tired of trying to beg you to want to see me smile
im tired of having to give you the answers to a free response opinionated
survey of your feelings
because any answer would really do,
but you can't even bother to respond
to my thoughts and with my hearts song you refuse to sing along
i'm tired of you making me feel bad, for feeling bad,
when its something you did that made me cry
and im tired of you making me feel weak because i do so
like im only doing it for attention,
something else you feel you dont owe...
me for all the time i've wasted helping you chase your dreams
fought so hard for you, that i have nothing left for me,
myself ,
and whenever i need a lift to make me feel like im somebody,
you turn into everybody else.
im tired of you thinking im not as good as you,
like i have to earn my right to be treated like a queen
you put me down for wanting to be held up,
like i shouldn't expect to be tangible aspects of your dreams
im tired of you telling me im selfish for noticing that you think about yourself before me
im tired of you telling me i put you down when i get mad that you don't stand up for me
im tired of you thinking that i try to manipulate you by doing everything in my power to prevent you from hurting me again,
i didn't know how much you liked to see me cry
I'm tired of keeping my phone on silent just to pick up to see you still havent called
im tired of not being able to do what i need to for my self, when you never let that stop you at all
i'm tired of having bad dreams and turning to you and you can't even wake up to provide comfort for me
when so many nights i sit up, and watch you dream just to make sure you breathe.
im tired of having the lawn seats to my own show, when you have the all access pass
and im tired of feeling like i dont deserve better from you, when i'd give you of me my very last
I'm tired of being the only one who cares about building a future for "us"
I'm tired of investing everything i have into someone else who always keeps their own reservations
i pay the interest just to be appreciated, when after all this time my value has gone down, cuz there's nothing left after you take the best of me without hesitation
I'm tired of getting only a few hours of sleep waiting for you to come home, and then lowering myself to anticipate your typical attempts at affection
I give you all of me every night, for half price,
because i take your shit all day
settling for less within myself at night,
just to hold on to some sign that you still love me.....
......And wonder why when you're fast asleep
i lay awake and feel cheap
my soul telling me that it feels cheated
and my heart saying i can't keep taking this beatin'
because thats what it feels like...
and to everyone else i make excuses for the bruises that they see in my eyes,
they see in my smile, they notice in my style, and hear in my voice,
all because i made the choice
to love you another day....
I'm tired of being the only one who believes in us, and hoping we last
and being placed in that position whenever it's convenient for you to not confront what you've become...
and i know i got a lot of work to do, but i never stopped loving you
and i never stopped praying for you
i never stopped making you number one in my heart
even though its not even in my possession anymore
i gave you that too
went to the end of the earth looking for you
and to realize that you can't even appreciate the journey
give me no credit for the things i've seen
made all the obstacles i overcame on the way seem,
like things that were only coming to me anyway, because i get what i deserve.
that i dont know God like you do, because i dont know everything about the Word
And you right
im tired of defending myself or trying to prove to you that He's the very one that's been directing your life
that that God that I don't know is the one who lays beside you every night
is reflected in the eyes of the girl who's crying for you to treat me right
i'm tired of trying to convince you that God is in me, and he's what brought me back to you
and the more you hurt me, you're only hurting you
because you battle me all day, but at the end it's you that you fight
and since you don't want me, i'll leave you with this advice...
i sacrificed myself for you, and in vain you take advantage of your life....


you had it so good....
i should've known id never b able to make you happy....
guess i was the one that was wrong...
jokes on me

..... back to the old Ashley....