*Passin' me by.........

You ever think about life so much, it just seems to be passin' you by? Thats what i was thinking about walking to school today to meet up with my partner for this group project. I was thinking about how broke I am, and the all the work I need to do, and what Ronnie is doing, or my mom, sister, my DAD, today's his 54th birthday, and life in general. I was looking at the sky, where I often find peace, and thinking about all the things that i get caught up in, in this world, that make me feel like these things i dont have are so bad. Then i was thinking about how i felt at that very moment, thinking that this is just college, and the story about that very day, that same path i walk every day, back and forth to school, when im sad, angry, crying, or happy, and the story ima tell my kids about it all. Then i thought about my kids, and all the stories im going to have to tell them, and how they'll be, and who theyll become, and what ive put my parents through. thought about how ima feel when i have to work so hard to help my 20 year old child out; started to feel bad, like i need to practice making it more on my own. But then i stopped and i saw these 2 rabbits running in this person's yard. they were just hoppin along, following each other, and i started thinking about them. How does it feel to be a rabbit? where are they going? how lucky they must be, not having so much to worry about. And then i thought, maybe i dont have so much to worry about either. They were just being rabbits. Doing what they were meant to do, just be. and whatever happens, wherever life takes them, they are just gonna be there. and do what they do best... be a rabbit.

I know it may sound like im crazy, and im fully aware that i am.... but it made me realize a lot about life. I am just a woman, a person, a Godly woman, first and foremost, but that's it. Life is what you make it, but if i just focus on being that, being what I am, and stop worrying about falling short of what i'm trying to be all the time, if i can just be what i AM, a Godly woman, then everything else will be ok. I realized all of this as a friend on facebook asked me how i've been. I started listing all the things i started off talking about in this blog post, being broke, school, etc., when i realized something i'd heard a long time ago.

A man was sitting in the hospital waiting room and a cleaning woman came up to him and asked "how you?" , he thought obviously if he was in a awaiting room he must not be doing great... but he, being polite, replied, "i'm ok i guess, and how are you?" ... and she said, "Well, i'm blessed!"... The man, looking at the mop in her hand, thought for a moment, and said, "well i guess i'm blessed too." The woman, replied with force.."No!, you SAID you were just ok, you guess. Now you say you blessed. But i'm here to tell you, you cant be both. So are you gonna be blessed today, or are you just ok?"......And that story is so true. no matter what's going on in my life, i always have something to be thankful for. So am i just going to be ok? or blessed? .... i choose blessed. And if i consume myself with thinking about what i need to be, that im not yet, and get all stressed out, then i'm always going to just say i'm ok, and have something to complain about... so ima just try more to remind myself of who i am, a Godly woman, and tell people, you know what, I'm blessed, how bout you?

>>~ and i was almost thinking so much, that life, (those rabbits), almost passed me by......



"Rejoice always,
Pray without Ceasing,
and Give thanks in ALL circumstances..."

Almost forgot what i was about....

Always adding the wings to my words,

~ash

*A Diamond in the rough-- check my dimensions....

I got diamond dimensions...

you may not see them just yet, but trust my intentions...

Learned to look though the storm, and find calm and listen....

learned to see myself in window as a vision....

I got diamond dimensions.



I do well under pressure....

wise one showed me what it means to be a surviveHER...

and no matter how hard I fall, I get up, trying to do it again a little better....

If you want your wings, sometimes you gotta be a go getta....

I got diamond dimensions.



you may not see the beauty in me,

the one who discovered the meaning of a caged bird's song said they'll never touch my inner mysteries,

But thank God I'm defined by cloudy boundaries,

to unravel my soul, you gotta dig deep

I have, diamond dimensions.



You may not be able to see it yet, for all that you put on me.

you try to burry under my own dispair, but a cross, three nails, and some thrones saved me.

So devil you may think that your winning because you tried to make me see nothing but coal in the mirror, a reflection of a forgotten sparrow of a girl

But you're only getting excited about my down time, for my perceptions are from out of this world.

I got diamond dimensions.....

*Almost got discouraged-- just for a sec....

found this poem on some sight with poems on it--- great description, i know..lol. But man the end of the semester got me feeling like I'm looking uphill at a long road, to wherever this thing called "life" is taking me. however, with that said, this poem made me think, and feel a lil better,... mostly made me think, but thats always a good thing....made me realize that when you got so much good in you, and God was something great he wants you to do in this life, the more the devil tries to break your spirits ya know.. He's good. Always comin up with many ways to do it, every year something else it seems.and now he's convincing me, that I dont have it in me, to do whatever I'm trying to do... . that's i'm loosing my motivation, ...taking on the disguise of my own Deception.... I say nah, I just forgot some things, thats all......A wise angel-friend of mine (Miss I fight to have flight, go ahead and wing me, B), once told me, "that if the devil would've known how I'd be after the storm, he would've never bothered me in the first place...." I must have forgot that my final form has Diamond dimensions, and the devil forgot what happens to me under pressure.... -note to the Devil, thanks for setting me up..;-)...


Third eye crying

Fear has taken hold of me,
Won't let my spirit fly free,
Keeping me a prisoner within me
Seeking out my insecurities,
And using them against me.
My is vision blurred,
Because my Third eye is crying,
Seeing visions of my visions dying.
Lost in the 3D animated Matrix
Unable to stay focused on my foundation
Close to accepting this unreal perception
When my Brother reminded me
That all of this is only deception that's
Trying to break the connection that
Keeps me connected to the Source of Energy
That my soul needs
That Energy that I receive when I remember how to breathe
And set my spirit free from negative energy.



I always say the Devil takes his best diguise when he's inside us..... Dont be fooled my friends, I'm not anymore......

Never discouraged, but rather encouraged....

Changing my lifestyle,

Ash~

Behold the God - Man crucified

The perfect sinless sacrifice

As blood ran down those nails and wood

History was split in two...



Behold the empty wooden tree

His body gone, alive and free

We sing with everlasting joy

For sin and death have been destroyed



May I never lose the wonder

The wonder of the cross

May I see it like the first time

Standing as a sinner lost

Undone my mercy and left speechless

Watching wide eyed at the cost

May I never lose the wonder

......The wonder of the cross......



Many people say we shouldn't focus on the "cross", because its a symbol of the death of Jesus, and he's not dead. He's alive. This is true, which is why ever night, I thank God for the Empty cross. However, I will never cease to be in wonder of the cross. It represents to me the ultimate sacrifice and example of love. That MY God, my almighty God in Heaven, sent his perfect, only son, to die a brutal death, to save someone like me. I vow to always see the crosss, just like the first time, never in vain, or comfortable, but as a humble, thankful, servant of God.



We should not be afraid to look at the cross, to recognize what happened on that cross, on calvary. Yes, it was horrific, painful to remember and look at times. Its not easy to look at our Lord like that, dying on a cross. But we should sometimes, especially when we forget who made all this we have in this life possible. When we treat others badly, and hurt others, and live for ourselves, we should remember what a cost is was, that is paying for our sins. We should always look at the Cross to keep us humble, and remind us why we serve, why we MUST love one another, because with his arms stretched out, like a father saying to his children......







"He loves you TTTTHHHHIIIISSSSS much......" ~think about it......

*I pray that you see Jesus.........*

I went to church on Easter Sunday, and at first I was a little offended. My main pastor, who doesn't really preach at our campus anymore was back for this particular service; guess it was a special occasion. I dont really agree with some of his view points and opinions that come through in his sermons; him being a vietnam veteran and republican in the strongest form give us much to see differently on. He had made some remarks about Oprah and the upcoming election that didnt sit well with me, however, he told a story that truly changed my perspectives on a lot. Something i'd always thought about, but never found the words to put it down until now.....

He told of how back in the early 70s, he was volunteering in West Virginia with this group of people, mainly vets, all Christian, and they were helping organize some charity events for children, working with local churches. He had been working closely with a woman, in her 60s probably, and they had formed a close relationship-nothing like that, just one of mutual respect and company; she sharing he life lessons and wisdom, and he listening to ever word. One day, as they were about to wrap up planning for a certain event, he walked in with his uniform on, and sat down to discuss the final details. Before they had gotten far into the conversation, she said in a low voice starring him in the eyes..."You look just like him..."

He, knowing full well when someone changes subjects in the middle of something, there an important reason, so he, looking back at her replied, "well, may I ask, look like who?" she said "ya know, i had a hard time having him you know. The pregnancy was difficult, so he was our only child. But oh how healthy and strong he grew up to be. He was 6'3" tall, around 215Ilb. He played basketball and football, and was in the top of his class. Just an all around good kid, couldnt ask for more. When he graduated high school, he decided he wanted to join the army, so he did. and he did so well. He would always write letters to us, and even his grandma every week. We were all so close to him. After he finished his four years, he decided that wasnt enough, so he became a para-trooper, and in the top ranks of the air force. He still wrote up every day, and we got to see him once of twice. How nice he looked in his uniform. and then the letters started becoming shorter and shorter, and one after noon, when my husband and I went outside to leave for church,that car was in the drive way.

They said he wasnt dead, but he was badly wounded, and would be returning home. His father and I knew that he would need our full, around the clock care, so we transformed our home into a handicapped accessible place, just for him, building ramps, rails, removing doors, etc. His father quit his job; that was his only son, and he needed him, he needed us. So we went to the airport to pick him up, and when he stepped off that plane, I barely recognized him. His uniform hung off his body, and he was almost un-recognizable. But we were still so proud of him. We took him home and took care of him, spent time with him, and loved him every day. Bathing him, helping him dress himself, feed himself. We'd take him to see his grandmother, and drive him to the top of the hill were you can watch the sunset. One morning, while his father was runnig some bath water for him, my son wanted to be independent, test his strength and decided that he would try to take his clothes off and get ready on his own. and then we heard him fall to the ground,screaming in tears.....We had forgotten to remove one mirror on the back of a closet door. that was the first time he'd ever seen what he looked like. He cried and cried asking, how could they do this to me? how could they do this to me?

He seemed to lose all hope after that. He grew weaker. We tried to keep him uplifted, taking him to his grandmothers house and to the hill, but something was lost. until finally, one sunday evening, we took our son to the hill where the sunsets, for the last time......

He was my pride and joy, my only son. A wonderful man, loved the Lord, served his country, and I couldn't have asked for more. and when you walked through that door, with that uniform on, those creases in your pants, and those army metals on you chest; that gleam in your eyes, you looked just like him........"

And his question for the congregation was....."Who do you remind someone of?" when someone looks at you, who do they see?"......And I say, I pray that they see Jesus.....

"Just in case your world seems full of sorrow,

or you cant find the strength to give you best to tomorrow,

Just in case you feel like no one understands you, or knows you,

just in case you feel lost, wondering if anyone ever knew you,

Just in case you live your whole life, and you cant find the strength to count your victories for you constantly find yourself in the midst of a battle,

Just in case you better that your beliefs in better days have failed you, and you just want something to matter,

Just in case you make it someday, and achieve all of your dreams,

you find love in all the faces of those around you, and everyone you know believes,

Just in case sometime you forget to give thanks to the one who made it all possible,

Or maybe no ever told you how you could be saved, and Heaven doesnt seem logical,

just in case you feel you cant go on, and you used to the rain,

and no one ever told you how someone in the sky shares your pain,

Just in case you think no one cares, and you can't do it all alone,

and you have no idea that you destiny is reserved in a place you can call home,

.....I pray that you see Jesus........

When you look into my eyes I pray that you see Jesus.

If you never see me again, I pray that when you look at me, and know that something in me loves you, because I carry Jesus inside of me, and thats what you see.

I pray that my words bring you comfort, and hope, wisdom, and courage to do the impossible, think the inpossible, and believe the impossible, because you will feel that something about my smile, something about my stlye, somethig about my mild demeanor, and faith as a believer, seems so possible, because I pray that through me, you see Jesus.

...and even if I dont know you, if i've never met you a day in my life, I want you to know that I've thought about you. I'm thinking about you right now, as im writing this. Know that I pray for you, and that someone out there loves you, and believes in you, and I hope one day, whenever we cross paths, ......I pray that you see Jesus......