This doesnt have anything to do with my thinking you dont love me, or want to be with me in the future, but rather its about your future, and God's mission for your life. you are so gifted. At night i thank God for everything about you; your characteristics, your mind, body, soul, thoughts, feelings, strengths, weaknesses, presence, essence, talents, and your intentions, and more...... you can be anything you'd want to be. you have such a natural business instinct and way with people. You are good at any trade you attempt to master. you could do so well with that area. you are so smart. You could be the psychologist i've always wanted to be. Because of the way you have with people, the fact that you are just kind, and understanding in all circumstances, the fact that you never judge and you're always positive. you think anything, any solution is possible. your "superman" mentality, truly believing that you can fix anything, and if not, you can talk to God and He'll make a way; i believe in you and i know you could maybe counsel people, help them in that sort of field. you are an astounding writer. You have a way with words and a natural sincerity about what you have to say, with no training what so ever on how to do so. you're genuine. Capable of anything. you could write books, write for magazines, newspapers, anything. You are great with cars, which goes back to business. you can already fix anything, you have business skills, and people skills, and people like you and they trust you. they know you'll always help them out and never let them down. Something like that would be so easy for you to do. you have a way with kids. you can reach then on another level, understand them in ways unimaginable. you would make a phenomenal teacher. or even a coach, to help young kids strive to achieve thier dreams and touch lives and introduce God to so many young lives, providing them with a positive example of a Man of God, every day........Which takes me to basketball......
I see people. And i see you. i see something in you of greatness. you have a gift. you can probably be the next Micheal Jordan if you wanted to. I believe in you 100%. That is your passion, and your love. And i want you to try. i want u to just see if you can make it, just so you'll never have to sit back and ask yourself what if? but the main reason i want you to try is because i want you to be happy. i want you to be doing something you love, and live a life of no regrets.
So now i want to tell you i love you.... (ok, I'm a cry now...) I love you with all my heart. you are everything to me. like i've said before you've changed the dimensions of my soul. Made me a better Christian, (and that says a lot about a man with that ability). I'm now a better daughter. sister, woman, girlfriend, friend, student, listener, lover, etc..... the list could go on and on.....When im not with you, or we're a part, i feel empty inside and i asked myself the other day did that make me weak. I've felt that before when i got my heart broken over a year and a half ago. And after all this time of me growing and becoming a better person, how can i now feel empty again with just the thought of not being with someone for the rest of my life. and i see now that that only makes me strong and accomplished. For i have found the rest of my story. You were the gift God had made for me, the dream that i could've never conceived myself, but the one that only life itself could've brought me. When we got together, part of my soul became united with you. you didnt fill me up and complete a half of me that wasnt whole before; for God makes all things complete, he dont half step on his creations.... but, you ARE half of me. I came from your rib. we were cut out of the same fabric. we've been woven together in time and space, we just never knew it. And when im not with you, or have the thought of losing you, i feel sick, because of how connected i am to you. if i lose you now i lose myself because we've already become one. And NO ONE can ever take the place of that. you restored me to my original condition, and i couldn't ask for more than that. Ill never leave you and ill support you with anyhing you do that God has instructed you on. Because i believe, in him, and you.
So im torn because i recently found out that UNCG doesnt really have try outs for their basketball team i dont think. so it would be EXTREMELY difficult for you to get on their team. Which kind of messes things up because i think you were planning on coming here. We had things all planned out. We were going to start practicing the rest of our lives together. figuring out how to make this thing called life work. together all the time, helping each other, motivating each other, growing, and building something beautiful, together. and now i dont know if thats what's best.
dont get me mistaken. I want you here with me. Selfishly i want you here everyday, all day, just you and me. however more than that, i want you to be happy. And i know on the other hand, basketball makes you happy. so what to do. Part of me says go back to State. you have better connecttions there. you were EXTREMELY lucky to get in before, to be at the top of your game there, to practice with the girls basketball team, to know the coaches. you have a nationally known scout that can look out for you there, the odds for you are better there. My best friend and your cousin, Jessica used this analogy to describe what may be happening in this situation and circumstance.,... you know how when you're driving and you're using a navigation system to help you get to your destination. and sometimes you get off track. you get completely lost, and cant find your way. but then that navigation system can find you, and re-calculate your position, and make another way for you to get back to your destination.....so the question is, where is that destination? If your original plan, where God worked his miracles to get you into State, and you got side tracked, but this has just been his way of re-routing you back to your original route and destination, then do what you have to do. Remember, you are on a mission.
which FINALLY brings me to my point....
I love you. you going to state will be hard for me. I know what happend there. I feel like a mother kind of, like i rescued you, and i have kept you with me in my arms for all this time, this past 9, 10 months. i've watched you grow into something wonderful. more than what i ever could've dreamed of. i feel like you're safe with me. i KNOW that i can protect you, and ensure that you acheive greatness. I KNOW that with me you'll be safe. you never have to walk alone again. that you'll always have everything that you need, and feel love like no other can provide besides God himself. I never want anything bad to happen to you again. I dont want you to get in with the wrong crowd, to be around people that dont know you like i do, dont love you like i do, who dont appreciate the beauty of you like i do. i dont want you to mess up again. I dont want you to falter from the God in you again. or to stray away. Im better because of you, and you're better because of me, and i wish we could just be better together and everyday go at this thing called life together, just making it together. but i'm fully aware of the fact that "only in a perfect world do things work out how i'd like". Im afraid, like if i let you go to fly on your own without me, that you may find someone else waiting there who God placed down the road to be in your life. I;m not saying that we should break up. i believe that we WERE meant to be and we can be, it'd just be a little harder. I'll always be there for you. But still i wonder what if this is just God's way of getting you back on the right track and there's someone else waiting in store for you, maybe even better than me. WHAT IF I WAS JUS T MEANT TO BE IN YOUR LIFE TO GET YOU FROM POINT A TO POINT B, A SEASONAL PERSON, AND NOT MEANT FOR YOUR LIFETIME....? what if i was just supposed to help you grow and you help me, but that's it? it may sound like im just doubting you and us, or i worry too much, but hey, it could happen. but then i think about how a love like ours doesnt happen everyday. you did not come into my life by accident, or coincidence. So it must be right this time. In my heart i truly believe you are the ONE for me.
But....
i just wanted to write all of this, ALL this long story to tell you this. That even if im not the one for you, (ok, im crying again),.... but even if im not, if i have to.....
I'll be your once in a lifetime.............
I'll be that with a sense of pride, purpose and grace. I'll be that person to come into your life, just once, and love you more than the life i live myself. i'll be your once in a lifetime, if we must fade from each other's lives like a cool summer's breeze, that's what i'll be. Because i love you that much, i believe in you that much, and being honored and blessed to find, meet, and get to know and love someone like you only happens once in a lifetime anyway, and im thankful that once in my lifetime, i was lucky to have something like you, happen to me....
so i thank you......
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