*The Road to ....... anywhere worth going.....*

Today I went to the park with the only real CONSISTENT friend I have left besides Brandi. Besides some unfortunate, unnccessary conversations, and a few tears, I had a nice time. I read some of Obama's book, The Audacity of Hope, for a little mental stimulation, and just laid on my back and looked at the vast sky above me; feeling undoubtly small. When we first got to the park, it was mad hot, and I thought we'd never get to the place we were going to set up our blanket and just relax. But when we were leaving, and finally got to the car, Jackee said, "Now didn't the walk going back seem a whole lot shorter than the walk going? That's how it always is, getting there always takes longer than getting back." She laughed, and got in the car. And as I did i took one last glance at the path we had just walked, and thought about the days events, situations, and thoughts.

A Yiddish Proverb says, "From success to failure is one step; from failure to success is a long road" I thought this quote fitting for my epiphany for today. Anything worth having in this world, whether it be a meaningful relationship, a significant job, nuturing friendships, a sound, fulfilling education, all of these things, once obtained, are deemed as successes. Its a long road to get to this place, and it's so easy to get back to where you were. Many times we try to build something, to grow into whoever we aspire to be, be all that we can be and more, and sometimes it gets hard, that road seems just too long; its much easier to slip back into the way we were, the life we used to live. Failure can come with one simple step. However sucess is a long road, and it always seems like it takes longer to get there, than it does to get back to nothing, or where you've come from. Today at the park I saw a cardinal. I was just talking to Ronine the other day about CArdinals and Blue Jays. Hadn't seen one in awhile. And I saw it just as i was crying and thinking that success was too far out of my reach, and giving up. And although even today, it took us a while to get there, God showed me somethings, gave me a sign with a simple bird to keep on flying in his direction, the one I've been struggling to go in for a long time now.

So in closing, everything worth having in this world requires sacrifice, patience, love strong enough and powerful enough to endure, and faith. So success in all I deem worthy of my best efforts and praise, I know that to get there is not gonna be easy, and a heavy load to bear, but God don't make mistakes, so I gotta get there.....


when others want to run, i'll choose to stand,

~ash

*Be Careful What You Pray For..........*

I was talking with my friend Jessica about how God answers our prayers the other day. The things we came up with are seeming to bite me in the A**. Lately I've been going through a lot of things, feeling like my best is never enough for anyone. I finally found problems I can't fix, being afraid I'm in love but turning down a one way street, and getting another dose of the reality that you can't change people, you can only plant the seed. That used to be so easy for me, but no so much anymore. The answers to life are so simple, no body ever said it was going to be easy, but why do we make it so hard? I still can't figure out why someone who lives like me, and thinks more about another that she does herself, who doesn't think her own successes in life without first giving thanks to the person in her life who helped her get there, or those that God placed in her life to share all that life brings her, is never enough for no one. Why do we run from ourselves? All the things we run towards are things created by man, things to distract us from our missions on this earth, or those that really matter. We can always take the easy way out. Not wanting to deal with issues because it's so much easier to just think about something else, to numb ourselves. Well I've never been much of a runner. I take the blunt of ever blow of life, and it' s beating me up right now..... All I want is someone in my corner, to patch me up a bit when it gets rough, whisper some encouraging loving words in my ear and give me that push to get right back in; cuz anyone who knows me knows I never quit at anything that's important to me or worth the fight. But as things get cloudy and I'm losing my sources of sunshine, I realized maybe this is what I wanted. So I write this for any one who is running today or confused, of doesn't want to realize that they are not a strong as they thought they were, or wanted to be.....: When we pray for strength, does God just give us strength or does he put us in situations that cause us to be strong? When you pray for you and someone you love to have strength and be able to make it work, does God just come in and fix everything, or does he put us in situations that provide us the opportunity to be strong enough to realize what he's blessed us with, and put us in situations that cause us to come together, to hold on to one another, to need one another, and see just how much better off we are with the person, or together. A wise man in my life told me that everything we do in life is nothing more than a choice; a decision. If that be true, then when we pray for something, God answers us with opportunities to make better choices. He can't mess with our free will (compliments of Bruce Almighty..lol), but it's true. So he hears our prayers, and provides us with opportunities, good or bad, to make the right choice, to make the decision to be strong, and see what he's trying to tell us. Maybe sometimes, when we think we're going through a lot of the same types of things, maybe the problem is that we aren't making the right choices. We want things to work out, but we don't use negative circumstances, or hard times to draw each other close, instead of running and distancing ourselves from God's blessings. He doesn't make mistakes when he gives you a Gift. You earned that, and if we keep running from the opportunity to come together, even as people, then he will keep making those same situations arise, so that we realize that we have to try something different, and then we'll see the other for who they are.....As we'll look deep into their eyes and see Jesus, and then it'll hit us, and we'll wonder why we couldn't have figured it out a long time ago.

I always say dont let God show you who's God, or to wake up. When you're blessed, work hard at appreciating those blessings, because a lot of people in this world aren't as fortunate.

"It don't take all day to recognize the sunshine....."


>>~* So on a personal note....to the my bestfriend, and Love of my life......

"You are my sunshine,
My only sunshine,
You make me happy,
When skys are grey
You'll never know Dear,
How much I love you
So please don't take,
My sunshine away......;-)"

And also.......

"I'd rather have bad times with you,

Than good times with someone else.

I'd rather be beside you in a storm,

Than safe and warm by myself.

I'd rather have hard times TOGETHER,

Than to, have it easy apart,

I'd rather have the one, who holds

.....my heart......."

I love you~

You're Walking Alarm Clock,

Ash~