*The Road to ....... anywhere worth going.....*

Today I went to the park with the only real CONSISTENT friend I have left besides Brandi. Besides some unfortunate, unnccessary conversations, and a few tears, I had a nice time. I read some of Obama's book, The Audacity of Hope, for a little mental stimulation, and just laid on my back and looked at the vast sky above me; feeling undoubtly small. When we first got to the park, it was mad hot, and I thought we'd never get to the place we were going to set up our blanket and just relax. But when we were leaving, and finally got to the car, Jackee said, "Now didn't the walk going back seem a whole lot shorter than the walk going? That's how it always is, getting there always takes longer than getting back." She laughed, and got in the car. And as I did i took one last glance at the path we had just walked, and thought about the days events, situations, and thoughts.

A Yiddish Proverb says, "From success to failure is one step; from failure to success is a long road" I thought this quote fitting for my epiphany for today. Anything worth having in this world, whether it be a meaningful relationship, a significant job, nuturing friendships, a sound, fulfilling education, all of these things, once obtained, are deemed as successes. Its a long road to get to this place, and it's so easy to get back to where you were. Many times we try to build something, to grow into whoever we aspire to be, be all that we can be and more, and sometimes it gets hard, that road seems just too long; its much easier to slip back into the way we were, the life we used to live. Failure can come with one simple step. However sucess is a long road, and it always seems like it takes longer to get there, than it does to get back to nothing, or where you've come from. Today at the park I saw a cardinal. I was just talking to Ronine the other day about CArdinals and Blue Jays. Hadn't seen one in awhile. And I saw it just as i was crying and thinking that success was too far out of my reach, and giving up. And although even today, it took us a while to get there, God showed me somethings, gave me a sign with a simple bird to keep on flying in his direction, the one I've been struggling to go in for a long time now.

So in closing, everything worth having in this world requires sacrifice, patience, love strong enough and powerful enough to endure, and faith. So success in all I deem worthy of my best efforts and praise, I know that to get there is not gonna be easy, and a heavy load to bear, but God don't make mistakes, so I gotta get there.....


when others want to run, i'll choose to stand,

~ash

*Be Careful What You Pray For..........*

I was talking with my friend Jessica about how God answers our prayers the other day. The things we came up with are seeming to bite me in the A**. Lately I've been going through a lot of things, feeling like my best is never enough for anyone. I finally found problems I can't fix, being afraid I'm in love but turning down a one way street, and getting another dose of the reality that you can't change people, you can only plant the seed. That used to be so easy for me, but no so much anymore. The answers to life are so simple, no body ever said it was going to be easy, but why do we make it so hard? I still can't figure out why someone who lives like me, and thinks more about another that she does herself, who doesn't think her own successes in life without first giving thanks to the person in her life who helped her get there, or those that God placed in her life to share all that life brings her, is never enough for no one. Why do we run from ourselves? All the things we run towards are things created by man, things to distract us from our missions on this earth, or those that really matter. We can always take the easy way out. Not wanting to deal with issues because it's so much easier to just think about something else, to numb ourselves. Well I've never been much of a runner. I take the blunt of ever blow of life, and it' s beating me up right now..... All I want is someone in my corner, to patch me up a bit when it gets rough, whisper some encouraging loving words in my ear and give me that push to get right back in; cuz anyone who knows me knows I never quit at anything that's important to me or worth the fight. But as things get cloudy and I'm losing my sources of sunshine, I realized maybe this is what I wanted. So I write this for any one who is running today or confused, of doesn't want to realize that they are not a strong as they thought they were, or wanted to be.....: When we pray for strength, does God just give us strength or does he put us in situations that cause us to be strong? When you pray for you and someone you love to have strength and be able to make it work, does God just come in and fix everything, or does he put us in situations that provide us the opportunity to be strong enough to realize what he's blessed us with, and put us in situations that cause us to come together, to hold on to one another, to need one another, and see just how much better off we are with the person, or together. A wise man in my life told me that everything we do in life is nothing more than a choice; a decision. If that be true, then when we pray for something, God answers us with opportunities to make better choices. He can't mess with our free will (compliments of Bruce Almighty..lol), but it's true. So he hears our prayers, and provides us with opportunities, good or bad, to make the right choice, to make the decision to be strong, and see what he's trying to tell us. Maybe sometimes, when we think we're going through a lot of the same types of things, maybe the problem is that we aren't making the right choices. We want things to work out, but we don't use negative circumstances, or hard times to draw each other close, instead of running and distancing ourselves from God's blessings. He doesn't make mistakes when he gives you a Gift. You earned that, and if we keep running from the opportunity to come together, even as people, then he will keep making those same situations arise, so that we realize that we have to try something different, and then we'll see the other for who they are.....As we'll look deep into their eyes and see Jesus, and then it'll hit us, and we'll wonder why we couldn't have figured it out a long time ago.

I always say dont let God show you who's God, or to wake up. When you're blessed, work hard at appreciating those blessings, because a lot of people in this world aren't as fortunate.

"It don't take all day to recognize the sunshine....."


>>~* So on a personal note....to the my bestfriend, and Love of my life......

"You are my sunshine,
My only sunshine,
You make me happy,
When skys are grey
You'll never know Dear,
How much I love you
So please don't take,
My sunshine away......;-)"

And also.......

"I'd rather have bad times with you,

Than good times with someone else.

I'd rather be beside you in a storm,

Than safe and warm by myself.

I'd rather have hard times TOGETHER,

Than to, have it easy apart,

I'd rather have the one, who holds

.....my heart......."

I love you~

You're Walking Alarm Clock,

Ash~

*Passin' me by.........

You ever think about life so much, it just seems to be passin' you by? Thats what i was thinking about walking to school today to meet up with my partner for this group project. I was thinking about how broke I am, and the all the work I need to do, and what Ronnie is doing, or my mom, sister, my DAD, today's his 54th birthday, and life in general. I was looking at the sky, where I often find peace, and thinking about all the things that i get caught up in, in this world, that make me feel like these things i dont have are so bad. Then i was thinking about how i felt at that very moment, thinking that this is just college, and the story about that very day, that same path i walk every day, back and forth to school, when im sad, angry, crying, or happy, and the story ima tell my kids about it all. Then i thought about my kids, and all the stories im going to have to tell them, and how they'll be, and who theyll become, and what ive put my parents through. thought about how ima feel when i have to work so hard to help my 20 year old child out; started to feel bad, like i need to practice making it more on my own. But then i stopped and i saw these 2 rabbits running in this person's yard. they were just hoppin along, following each other, and i started thinking about them. How does it feel to be a rabbit? where are they going? how lucky they must be, not having so much to worry about. And then i thought, maybe i dont have so much to worry about either. They were just being rabbits. Doing what they were meant to do, just be. and whatever happens, wherever life takes them, they are just gonna be there. and do what they do best... be a rabbit.

I know it may sound like im crazy, and im fully aware that i am.... but it made me realize a lot about life. I am just a woman, a person, a Godly woman, first and foremost, but that's it. Life is what you make it, but if i just focus on being that, being what I am, and stop worrying about falling short of what i'm trying to be all the time, if i can just be what i AM, a Godly woman, then everything else will be ok. I realized all of this as a friend on facebook asked me how i've been. I started listing all the things i started off talking about in this blog post, being broke, school, etc., when i realized something i'd heard a long time ago.

A man was sitting in the hospital waiting room and a cleaning woman came up to him and asked "how you?" , he thought obviously if he was in a awaiting room he must not be doing great... but he, being polite, replied, "i'm ok i guess, and how are you?" ... and she said, "Well, i'm blessed!"... The man, looking at the mop in her hand, thought for a moment, and said, "well i guess i'm blessed too." The woman, replied with force.."No!, you SAID you were just ok, you guess. Now you say you blessed. But i'm here to tell you, you cant be both. So are you gonna be blessed today, or are you just ok?"......And that story is so true. no matter what's going on in my life, i always have something to be thankful for. So am i just going to be ok? or blessed? .... i choose blessed. And if i consume myself with thinking about what i need to be, that im not yet, and get all stressed out, then i'm always going to just say i'm ok, and have something to complain about... so ima just try more to remind myself of who i am, a Godly woman, and tell people, you know what, I'm blessed, how bout you?

>>~ and i was almost thinking so much, that life, (those rabbits), almost passed me by......



"Rejoice always,
Pray without Ceasing,
and Give thanks in ALL circumstances..."

Almost forgot what i was about....

Always adding the wings to my words,

~ash

*A Diamond in the rough-- check my dimensions....

I got diamond dimensions...

you may not see them just yet, but trust my intentions...

Learned to look though the storm, and find calm and listen....

learned to see myself in window as a vision....

I got diamond dimensions.



I do well under pressure....

wise one showed me what it means to be a surviveHER...

and no matter how hard I fall, I get up, trying to do it again a little better....

If you want your wings, sometimes you gotta be a go getta....

I got diamond dimensions.



you may not see the beauty in me,

the one who discovered the meaning of a caged bird's song said they'll never touch my inner mysteries,

But thank God I'm defined by cloudy boundaries,

to unravel my soul, you gotta dig deep

I have, diamond dimensions.



You may not be able to see it yet, for all that you put on me.

you try to burry under my own dispair, but a cross, three nails, and some thrones saved me.

So devil you may think that your winning because you tried to make me see nothing but coal in the mirror, a reflection of a forgotten sparrow of a girl

But you're only getting excited about my down time, for my perceptions are from out of this world.

I got diamond dimensions.....

*Almost got discouraged-- just for a sec....

found this poem on some sight with poems on it--- great description, i know..lol. But man the end of the semester got me feeling like I'm looking uphill at a long road, to wherever this thing called "life" is taking me. however, with that said, this poem made me think, and feel a lil better,... mostly made me think, but thats always a good thing....made me realize that when you got so much good in you, and God was something great he wants you to do in this life, the more the devil tries to break your spirits ya know.. He's good. Always comin up with many ways to do it, every year something else it seems.and now he's convincing me, that I dont have it in me, to do whatever I'm trying to do... . that's i'm loosing my motivation, ...taking on the disguise of my own Deception.... I say nah, I just forgot some things, thats all......A wise angel-friend of mine (Miss I fight to have flight, go ahead and wing me, B), once told me, "that if the devil would've known how I'd be after the storm, he would've never bothered me in the first place...." I must have forgot that my final form has Diamond dimensions, and the devil forgot what happens to me under pressure.... -note to the Devil, thanks for setting me up..;-)...


Third eye crying

Fear has taken hold of me,
Won't let my spirit fly free,
Keeping me a prisoner within me
Seeking out my insecurities,
And using them against me.
My is vision blurred,
Because my Third eye is crying,
Seeing visions of my visions dying.
Lost in the 3D animated Matrix
Unable to stay focused on my foundation
Close to accepting this unreal perception
When my Brother reminded me
That all of this is only deception that's
Trying to break the connection that
Keeps me connected to the Source of Energy
That my soul needs
That Energy that I receive when I remember how to breathe
And set my spirit free from negative energy.



I always say the Devil takes his best diguise when he's inside us..... Dont be fooled my friends, I'm not anymore......

Never discouraged, but rather encouraged....

Changing my lifestyle,

Ash~

Behold the God - Man crucified

The perfect sinless sacrifice

As blood ran down those nails and wood

History was split in two...



Behold the empty wooden tree

His body gone, alive and free

We sing with everlasting joy

For sin and death have been destroyed



May I never lose the wonder

The wonder of the cross

May I see it like the first time

Standing as a sinner lost

Undone my mercy and left speechless

Watching wide eyed at the cost

May I never lose the wonder

......The wonder of the cross......



Many people say we shouldn't focus on the "cross", because its a symbol of the death of Jesus, and he's not dead. He's alive. This is true, which is why ever night, I thank God for the Empty cross. However, I will never cease to be in wonder of the cross. It represents to me the ultimate sacrifice and example of love. That MY God, my almighty God in Heaven, sent his perfect, only son, to die a brutal death, to save someone like me. I vow to always see the crosss, just like the first time, never in vain, or comfortable, but as a humble, thankful, servant of God.



We should not be afraid to look at the cross, to recognize what happened on that cross, on calvary. Yes, it was horrific, painful to remember and look at times. Its not easy to look at our Lord like that, dying on a cross. But we should sometimes, especially when we forget who made all this we have in this life possible. When we treat others badly, and hurt others, and live for ourselves, we should remember what a cost is was, that is paying for our sins. We should always look at the Cross to keep us humble, and remind us why we serve, why we MUST love one another, because with his arms stretched out, like a father saying to his children......







"He loves you TTTTHHHHIIIISSSSS much......" ~think about it......

*I pray that you see Jesus.........*

I went to church on Easter Sunday, and at first I was a little offended. My main pastor, who doesn't really preach at our campus anymore was back for this particular service; guess it was a special occasion. I dont really agree with some of his view points and opinions that come through in his sermons; him being a vietnam veteran and republican in the strongest form give us much to see differently on. He had made some remarks about Oprah and the upcoming election that didnt sit well with me, however, he told a story that truly changed my perspectives on a lot. Something i'd always thought about, but never found the words to put it down until now.....

He told of how back in the early 70s, he was volunteering in West Virginia with this group of people, mainly vets, all Christian, and they were helping organize some charity events for children, working with local churches. He had been working closely with a woman, in her 60s probably, and they had formed a close relationship-nothing like that, just one of mutual respect and company; she sharing he life lessons and wisdom, and he listening to ever word. One day, as they were about to wrap up planning for a certain event, he walked in with his uniform on, and sat down to discuss the final details. Before they had gotten far into the conversation, she said in a low voice starring him in the eyes..."You look just like him..."

He, knowing full well when someone changes subjects in the middle of something, there an important reason, so he, looking back at her replied, "well, may I ask, look like who?" she said "ya know, i had a hard time having him you know. The pregnancy was difficult, so he was our only child. But oh how healthy and strong he grew up to be. He was 6'3" tall, around 215Ilb. He played basketball and football, and was in the top of his class. Just an all around good kid, couldnt ask for more. When he graduated high school, he decided he wanted to join the army, so he did. and he did so well. He would always write letters to us, and even his grandma every week. We were all so close to him. After he finished his four years, he decided that wasnt enough, so he became a para-trooper, and in the top ranks of the air force. He still wrote up every day, and we got to see him once of twice. How nice he looked in his uniform. and then the letters started becoming shorter and shorter, and one after noon, when my husband and I went outside to leave for church,that car was in the drive way.

They said he wasnt dead, but he was badly wounded, and would be returning home. His father and I knew that he would need our full, around the clock care, so we transformed our home into a handicapped accessible place, just for him, building ramps, rails, removing doors, etc. His father quit his job; that was his only son, and he needed him, he needed us. So we went to the airport to pick him up, and when he stepped off that plane, I barely recognized him. His uniform hung off his body, and he was almost un-recognizable. But we were still so proud of him. We took him home and took care of him, spent time with him, and loved him every day. Bathing him, helping him dress himself, feed himself. We'd take him to see his grandmother, and drive him to the top of the hill were you can watch the sunset. One morning, while his father was runnig some bath water for him, my son wanted to be independent, test his strength and decided that he would try to take his clothes off and get ready on his own. and then we heard him fall to the ground,screaming in tears.....We had forgotten to remove one mirror on the back of a closet door. that was the first time he'd ever seen what he looked like. He cried and cried asking, how could they do this to me? how could they do this to me?

He seemed to lose all hope after that. He grew weaker. We tried to keep him uplifted, taking him to his grandmothers house and to the hill, but something was lost. until finally, one sunday evening, we took our son to the hill where the sunsets, for the last time......

He was my pride and joy, my only son. A wonderful man, loved the Lord, served his country, and I couldn't have asked for more. and when you walked through that door, with that uniform on, those creases in your pants, and those army metals on you chest; that gleam in your eyes, you looked just like him........"

And his question for the congregation was....."Who do you remind someone of?" when someone looks at you, who do they see?"......And I say, I pray that they see Jesus.....

"Just in case your world seems full of sorrow,

or you cant find the strength to give you best to tomorrow,

Just in case you feel like no one understands you, or knows you,

just in case you feel lost, wondering if anyone ever knew you,

Just in case you live your whole life, and you cant find the strength to count your victories for you constantly find yourself in the midst of a battle,

Just in case you better that your beliefs in better days have failed you, and you just want something to matter,

Just in case you make it someday, and achieve all of your dreams,

you find love in all the faces of those around you, and everyone you know believes,

Just in case sometime you forget to give thanks to the one who made it all possible,

Or maybe no ever told you how you could be saved, and Heaven doesnt seem logical,

just in case you feel you cant go on, and you used to the rain,

and no one ever told you how someone in the sky shares your pain,

Just in case you think no one cares, and you can't do it all alone,

and you have no idea that you destiny is reserved in a place you can call home,

.....I pray that you see Jesus........

When you look into my eyes I pray that you see Jesus.

If you never see me again, I pray that when you look at me, and know that something in me loves you, because I carry Jesus inside of me, and thats what you see.

I pray that my words bring you comfort, and hope, wisdom, and courage to do the impossible, think the inpossible, and believe the impossible, because you will feel that something about my smile, something about my stlye, somethig about my mild demeanor, and faith as a believer, seems so possible, because I pray that through me, you see Jesus.

...and even if I dont know you, if i've never met you a day in my life, I want you to know that I've thought about you. I'm thinking about you right now, as im writing this. Know that I pray for you, and that someone out there loves you, and believes in you, and I hope one day, whenever we cross paths, ......I pray that you see Jesus......

*if i have to, i'll be your once in a lifetime......*

I been doing a lot of thinking. And no poetry in this, just the truth in my heart. Ronnie, I love with all of my heart. You are a phenomenal man. You are divinely blessed and marked with a mission upon you from God. And I've been talking to God about it, and i feel that i'm at a cross roads with how to advise you on the path you should take, for the rest of your life. and then i realized that that decision was never in my hands to begin with.



This doesnt have anything to do with my thinking you dont love me, or want to be with me in the future, but rather its about your future, and God's mission for your life. you are so gifted. At night i thank God for everything about you; your characteristics, your mind, body, soul, thoughts, feelings, strengths, weaknesses, presence, essence, talents, and your intentions, and more...... you can be anything you'd want to be. you have such a natural business instinct and way with people. You are good at any trade you attempt to master. you could do so well with that area. you are so smart. You could be the psychologist i've always wanted to be. Because of the way you have with people, the fact that you are just kind, and understanding in all circumstances, the fact that you never judge and you're always positive. you think anything, any solution is possible. your "superman" mentality, truly believing that you can fix anything, and if not, you can talk to God and He'll make a way; i believe in you and i know you could maybe counsel people, help them in that sort of field. you are an astounding writer. You have a way with words and a natural sincerity about what you have to say, with no training what so ever on how to do so. you're genuine. Capable of anything. you could write books, write for magazines, newspapers, anything. You are great with cars, which goes back to business. you can already fix anything, you have business skills, and people skills, and people like you and they trust you. they know you'll always help them out and never let them down. Something like that would be so easy for you to do. you have a way with kids. you can reach then on another level, understand them in ways unimaginable. you would make a phenomenal teacher. or even a coach, to help young kids strive to achieve thier dreams and touch lives and introduce God to so many young lives, providing them with a positive example of a Man of God, every day........Which takes me to basketball......



I see people. And i see you. i see something in you of greatness. you have a gift. you can probably be the next Micheal Jordan if you wanted to. I believe in you 100%. That is your passion, and your love. And i want you to try. i want u to just see if you can make it, just so you'll never have to sit back and ask yourself what if? but the main reason i want you to try is because i want you to be happy. i want you to be doing something you love, and live a life of no regrets.



So now i want to tell you i love you.... (ok, I'm a cry now...) I love you with all my heart. you are everything to me. like i've said before you've changed the dimensions of my soul. Made me a better Christian, (and that says a lot about a man with that ability). I'm now a better daughter. sister, woman, girlfriend, friend, student, listener, lover, etc..... the list could go on and on.....When im not with you, or we're a part, i feel empty inside and i asked myself the other day did that make me weak. I've felt that before when i got my heart broken over a year and a half ago. And after all this time of me growing and becoming a better person, how can i now feel empty again with just the thought of not being with someone for the rest of my life. and i see now that that only makes me strong and accomplished. For i have found the rest of my story. You were the gift God had made for me, the dream that i could've never conceived myself, but the one that only life itself could've brought me. When we got together, part of my soul became united with you. you didnt fill me up and complete a half of me that wasnt whole before; for God makes all things complete, he dont half step on his creations.... but, you ARE half of me. I came from your rib. we were cut out of the same fabric. we've been woven together in time and space, we just never knew it. And when im not with you, or have the thought of losing you, i feel sick, because of how connected i am to you. if i lose you now i lose myself because we've already become one. And NO ONE can ever take the place of that. you restored me to my original condition, and i couldn't ask for more than that. Ill never leave you and ill support you with anyhing you do that God has instructed you on. Because i believe, in him, and you.



So im torn because i recently found out that UNCG doesnt really have try outs for their basketball team i dont think. so it would be EXTREMELY difficult for you to get on their team. Which kind of messes things up because i think you were planning on coming here. We had things all planned out. We were going to start practicing the rest of our lives together. figuring out how to make this thing called life work. together all the time, helping each other, motivating each other, growing, and building something beautiful, together. and now i dont know if thats what's best.



dont get me mistaken. I want you here with me. Selfishly i want you here everyday, all day, just you and me. however more than that, i want you to be happy. And i know on the other hand, basketball makes you happy. so what to do. Part of me says go back to State. you have better connecttions there. you were EXTREMELY lucky to get in before, to be at the top of your game there, to practice with the girls basketball team, to know the coaches. you have a nationally known scout that can look out for you there, the odds for you are better there. My best friend and your cousin, Jessica used this analogy to describe what may be happening in this situation and circumstance.,... you know how when you're driving and you're using a navigation system to help you get to your destination. and sometimes you get off track. you get completely lost, and cant find your way. but then that navigation system can find you, and re-calculate your position, and make another way for you to get back to your destination.....so the question is, where is that destination? If your original plan, where God worked his miracles to get you into State, and you got side tracked, but this has just been his way of re-routing you back to your original route and destination, then do what you have to do. Remember, you are on a mission.



which FINALLY brings me to my point....

I love you. you going to state will be hard for me. I know what happend there. I feel like a mother kind of, like i rescued you, and i have kept you with me in my arms for all this time, this past 9, 10 months. i've watched you grow into something wonderful. more than what i ever could've dreamed of. i feel like you're safe with me. i KNOW that i can protect you, and ensure that you acheive greatness. I KNOW that with me you'll be safe. you never have to walk alone again. that you'll always have everything that you need, and feel love like no other can provide besides God himself. I never want anything bad to happen to you again. I dont want you to get in with the wrong crowd, to be around people that dont know you like i do, dont love you like i do, who dont appreciate the beauty of you like i do. i dont want you to mess up again. I dont want you to falter from the God in you again. or to stray away. Im better because of you, and you're better because of me, and i wish we could just be better together and everyday go at this thing called life together, just making it together. but i'm fully aware of the fact that "only in a perfect world do things work out how i'd like". Im afraid, like if i let you go to fly on your own without me, that you may find someone else waiting there who God placed down the road to be in your life. I;m not saying that we should break up. i believe that we WERE meant to be and we can be, it'd just be a little harder. I'll always be there for you. But still i wonder what if this is just God's way of getting you back on the right track and there's someone else waiting in store for you, maybe even better than me. WHAT IF I WAS JUS T MEANT TO BE IN YOUR LIFE TO GET YOU FROM POINT A TO POINT B, A SEASONAL PERSON, AND NOT MEANT FOR YOUR LIFETIME....? what if i was just supposed to help you grow and you help me, but that's it? it may sound like im just doubting you and us, or i worry too much, but hey, it could happen. but then i think about how a love like ours doesnt happen everyday. you did not come into my life by accident, or coincidence. So it must be right this time. In my heart i truly believe you are the ONE for me.



But....

i just wanted to write all of this, ALL this long story to tell you this. That even if im not the one for you, (ok, im crying again),.... but even if im not, if i have to.....

I'll be your once in a lifetime.............



I'll be that with a sense of pride, purpose and grace. I'll be that person to come into your life, just once, and love you more than the life i live myself. i'll be your once in a lifetime, if we must fade from each other's lives like a cool summer's breeze, that's what i'll be. Because i love you that much, i believe in you that much, and being honored and blessed to find, meet, and get to know and love someone like you only happens once in a lifetime anyway, and im thankful that once in my lifetime, i was lucky to have something like you, happen to me....





so i thank you......

*Love ya self....*

In order to be truly happy with another, you must first learn to love yourself.

For how can you expect another to love you, when you dont?

You want another to give their all, but you wont,

We dont give our best to ourselves,

and so we seek completion for a soul that never had holes to begin with.

And so we refuse to quit.

We refuse to let go,

even if that which we are letting go of

never really was

best for us.

when you dont love yourself, you feel you need to be loved by another.

So many of us go out in search of that fine sista or brotha,

already setting ourselves up for failure.

Because we fail to realize,

that our eyes dont listen to our minds,

or know whats best for our hearts.

We want things we cant have,

not saying we cant have them,

but God wont let you,

because he wont let you fall into the hands of someone who doesnt love you like he do.

After all, didnt he send his son to die for you?

And why?

because thats what we're worth.

But we cant see that because we spend too much time preachin' about what we deserve,

like we did shit,

like we have wing- worthy accomplishments,

and we are owed the world too.

But know that no one is obligated to give a damn about you.

Or me, Only one person loves you unconditionally.

But as long as you keep making room in your heart for someone who doesnt have room in their heart for you,

you will forget to answer when God is calling to you.

He knocks on your soul, but u cant hear.

Because the devil takes his best disguise,

sending someone with pretty brown eyes,

to whisper in ya ear.

Until you get that little tingley feeling right in the heart of ya chest, everytime you hear Jesus name,

you will never be truley satisfied, no matter how good you do the damn thing.

Until you can be truly content looking in the mirror and only seeing yourself,

you will continue to be on a quest, if you dont ask for the right help.

We must learn to feed our souls, and not our bodily needs,

Because you being all that you are, will never be good enough to complete me.

you see i was already complete, and it took me awhile to see that,

I had to be knocked to the bottom, get up, and bounce back,

into the arms of an angel, who loved me the whole time unconditionally,

and then i learned how to love...... me...